


The Way You Make Me Feel

by OfEndlessWonder



Category: DC's Legends of Tomorrow (TV)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-03
Updated: 2018-04-03
Packaged: 2019-04-18 02:58:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,383
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14203560
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OfEndlessWonder/pseuds/OfEndlessWonder
Summary: '“Because I love you.” It’s easy for her to say it, in a way that it never has been before, not really – Ava makes it easy for her to be like this, open and honest and laying her heart on the line, and it’s terrifying but exhilarating all at the same time. “You, Ava. Not another version of you. I love the person that you are, who you’ve become – maybe you started off in a lab but that doesn’t matter, because you’ve lived a life and you have memories and experiences and they’ve shaped you into who you are today. And who you are, Ava? Is an amazing, strong, smart, brilliant woman. A woman who I’m lucky to know. Lucky to love.”' aka the aftermath of 3x17.





	The Way You Make Me Feel

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first time writing these two (and first time writing a new pairing in a looooong time), so hopefully I've managed to do them justice! 
> 
> Hope you guys enjoy :)

_I love you._

_There isn’t a me to love._

The words spin around and around in her head, and Sara takes another gulp of scotch in the hope that if she drinks enough, she’ll be able to forget – forget those words, forget the look on Ava’s face, the pain in her eyes, the sight of her walking away from Sara that’s burned into her brain, all she sees whenever she closes her eyes.

It had been easy to push it away, before, when Mallus was a looming threat and she had something to focus on, but now that he’s been defeated she has nothing to distract herself with.

Her team has the night off, and the ship is quiet. Most of them are out partying (Sara isn’t sure where or when – she hadn’t asked, just told them all to be careful because if they got in trouble she wasn’t coming to save them), and the ones that had stayed behind were steering well clear of their captain, knowing she needed some space.

She just can’t believe she’d been so much of an _idiot_. She’s usually so careful with her emotions, so guarded, doesn’t know how Ava had managed to slip under all of her walls, so quickly and quietly that Sara hadn’t even realised they’d been destroyed until it was too late, until Ava was in her head and in her heart and showed no signs of ever leaving.

Sara barely even remembers the last time she’d told someone she loved them. It had been Nyssa, what felt like a lifetime ago – what _was_ a lifetime ago, really, when she’d practically been an entirely different person to who she was now.

Now she doesn’t think she deserves love, certainly doesn’t deserve someone like Ava, and she’d been all set to push the other woman away even if it broke her own heart to protect her, up until her stupid conversation with Damien fucking Darhk.

She should’ve known just from that that it was going to blow up in her face.

Sara can count the list of people she’s said ‘I love you’ to on one hand – she’s careful with it, with her heart, and she’s definitely never had someone walk away from her without saying it back, and that rejection stings even more than breaking up with Ava in the first place had.

Because she’d been willing to try, _wanted_ to try, and she doesn’t think she’s wanted to fight for something as much as she’d wanted to fight for Ava in that moment than anything else ever before in her life.

But it took two people to make a relationship, and Ava didn’t want to try, didn’t want her, and Sara was just going to have to accept that, forget all about Ava Sharpe and her perfect face and hair and that damn tailored suit that had featured in Sara’s fantasies more times than she could count.

Sara groans, tilts her head back against her chair and closes her eyes, wondering if she could go and find Zari and ask her to wipe Sara’s mind clean, removing all traces of Ava from it.

She doesn’t think Zari would comply, but she could _ask_.

She’s seriously considering it when there’s a flash of light, the tell-tale sign of a portal opening into her office, and Sara sits up quickly, wondering if Ava’s maybe changed her mind, has decided to come talk to her and give things a try.

She’s disappointed to see that it’s not Ava but Gary who steps towards her with a nervous wave, before fiddling nervously with his glasses.

“Gary.” Sara relaxes back into her chair and kicks her feet up on her desk. “To what do I owe the pleasure?”

She knows what he’s going to say, knows that there’s only one reason, one person, that would lure him here from the Time Bureau, especially alone – she knew that he was more than a little scared of her.

“It’s Director Sharpe. Um, again.”

“I’m not her babysitter, Gary,” Sara sighs, taking another long drink. “She can look after herself.”

“See, that’s just the thing.” Gary fidgets with his hands, almost looks like he’s about to pick something up from Sara’s desk to play with before she shoots him a glare that makes him physically pale. “I don’t think she can. She quit her job.”

“She did _what_?” Shock floods through her system, because of all the things Gary could have said, that is the most unexpected. Ava loved her job, lived for her job, and Sara had thought that she’d only cling onto it all the more tightly after recent events.

“Yeah, two days ago. She won’t answer the phone or her door but I portalled into her apartment earlier and _before_ she started throwing things at my head and yelling at me to get out I got a good look at her and it… it wasn’t good, Sara.”

“So what? What do you want me to do about it, Gary? She won’t want to talk to me, either.”

“Maybe not, but I think you’ll be able to get through to her. And you’re very determined – I don’t think she’ll be able to chase you out quite as easily.” Sara almost smiles. “Look, Sara… I know you care about her. I’m really worried, and I think you could help. I think you’re what she needs.”

It’s like a knife twisting in her gut, hot and painful, because all Sara wants is to be what Ava needs, but she doesn’t know if she’ll ever be enough.

“Okay,” she eventually agrees, because she knows she won’t be able to sit here after Gary leaves and _not_ think about Ava, heart aching as she thinks of the other woman, spiralling and alone. “Open up a thingie.”

“Right.” Gary complies, and a moment later Sara is staring into the hallway of Ava’s apartment. It’s a space Sara has only been to a couple of times before, on the rare occasion she’d been able to escape from the Waverider for the night – which wasn’t often, thanks to her found family of lovable idiots. “Good luck.”

“I think I’m gonna need it,” Sara mutters, and finishes her drink before she steps through, the portal closing behind her.

The first thing she hears is an indignant meow from somewhere near her feet, and Sara bends down to scratch the ears of Ava’s cat as he winds his way around her ankles. “Hey, buddy, where’s your Mom?” He just meows again, and Sara gives him one last head rub before straightening up and venturing deeper into the apartment.

She finds Ava in the living room, curled up on the couch. The room is dark, lit only by the TV, and Sara’s nose wrinkles at the smell – Ava’s apparently been drinking.

A lot.

“It smells like a distillery in here.” Ava jumps at the sound of Sara’s voice, whirls around to face her and Sara’s breath catches when she sees the other woman’s face.

Ava is pale, her hair unkempt and her eyes red and it’s obvious that she’s been crying, and Sara aches with the desire to just make everything _better_.

“What are you doing here?” Ava’s wrapped in a blanket, clutches it close to her chest like it’ll shield her from the world. She doesn’t sound angry, just tired, and she’s so far away from the woman that Sara knows that she feels like she’s staring at a different person entirely.

“I came to check on you.”

“Did Gary send you?”

“He came to tell me he was worried about you, yeah, but he didn’t send me. I came because I wanted to make sure that you’re okay. Because I care about you.”

“You shouldn’t.” Ava says it so bluntly, with so much _certainty_ , that it breaks Sara’s heart.

“Don’t say that.” Her voice is sharp, but Ava doesn’t even flinch. “You quit your job?” Ava just nods. “Why would you do that, Ava? You love your job.”

“I did,” Ava corrects her. “Before I found out that I was cherry picked for that role because of traits that were probably selected for in a lab.” Her voice is bitter, and Sara can’t imagine what Ava is going through, what she must be feeling, how she could even begin to understand. “And so what if I quit? They don’t need me anyway. I’m replaceable.”

“You’re not replaceable,” Sara insists, moving to sit beside Ava on the couch when the other woman shakes her head. “Not to me.”

“Rip can just go back to the year 2213 and steal another clone – that’s the _definition_ of replaceable, Sara. Do you know many times he’s tried before? Eleven. No would even notice if tomorrow there was a different me there.”

“ _I_ would notice.”

“Would you?” Ava looks Sara in the eye, and she’s so defeated, so _broken_ , that Sara doesn’t know what to do.

“Of course I would,” Sara says, voice soft. “Because they wouldn’t be you.”

“Maybe they’d be better. A better version. Maybe you’d forget all about me and fall for them instead.”

“Stop it.” Sara reaches out, tries to take one of Ava’s hands and has to push down a wave of hurt when Ava pulls away. “That’s not true.”

“How do you know?”

“Because I love _you_.” It’s easy for her to say it, in a way that it never has been before, not really – Ava makes it easy for her to be like this, open and honest and laying her heart on the line, and it’s terrifying but exhilarating all at the same time. “You, Ava. Not another version of you. I love the person that you are, who you’ve become – maybe you started off in a lab but that doesn’t matter, because you’ve lived a life and you have memories and experiences and they’ve shaped you into who you are today. And who you are, Ava? Is an amazing, strong, smart, brilliant woman. A woman who I’m lucky to know. Lucky to love.”

Her voice is tight with emotion, and when she looks at Ava she sees that the other woman’s eyes are bright with tears, watches at some of them start to fall.

“But I’m not _real_.” Her voice cracks.

“Yes, you are.” Sara reaches out again, takes one of Ava’s hands in her own, and presses their joined hands against Ava’s chest. “You feel that?” Ava’s heart beats fast and steady beneath their palms. “It’s just like mine.” She takes Ava’s other hand and presses it against her own heart. “You are real.”

“I don’t feel it,” Ava says, quiet and so, so unsure. “I don’t… my whole life was a lie.”

“Not your whole life.” Sara gives Ava’s hands a meaningful squeeze. “This, you and me, that was never a lie. And everything you’ve done at the Time Bureau, all the good you’ve done, all the lives you’ve saved. That’s not a lie either.” Ava’s still crying, and Sara reaches up to wipe some of her tears away. “I know that everything that came before that is more uncertain but… you’re not your past, Ava. It’s a part of you, but it’s not who you are. You taught me that.”

“You really think so? You really think that I’m different?”

“I _know_ you are.” Sara pulls Ava close, presses a lingering kiss to her forehead and wishes she could take Ava’s pain away. “So what if there’s more than one Ava Sharpe out there in 2213? There’s only one _my_ Ava Sharpe.” Ava manages a small smile at that, and it’s a little watery but it’s genuine, and it’s more than Sara thought she’d get when she first arrived and seen the state Ava was in.

“I am, you know.” Ava whispers it against Sara’s shoulder. “Yours. If you want me.”

“Did you not hear me tell you I love you twice now?” Sara asks.

“But you broke up with me.”

“Because I’m kind of an idiot,” Sara sighs, leaning away to look Ava in the eye. “I’m not… I’m not good at relationships, I never have been. And I fell so hard so fast for you that… honestly, it scared me. And I meant what I said to you that day – you _do_ deserve better than me. Because I’m terrified that one day I’m going to hurt you.”

“You already did,” Ava says quietly, and Sara closes her eyes, takes in a slow breath and lets regret wash over her.

“I know. And I’m sorry.”

“I forgive you.” Sara’s eyes flicker open to find Ava looking at her with sincerity. “I know why you did it. But why don’t you let me decide what I do and do not deserve in the future?”

“I can do that.”

“Good. I love you too, by the way.” Sara’s heart leaps at the words. “In-case you were wondering.” Sara smiles, leans forward and kisses Ava softly, tries to pour everything she’s feeling into it, all of her love and her fears and her sheer _relief_ at having Ava back in her arms once more.

“How are you feeling?” Sara asks when they part, forehead resting against Ava’s.

“Better,” Ava murmurs, with a nod. “Not great, but better.” Sara supposes that’s all she can ask for. She notices the time then, almost three a.m., and wonders when Ava last slept.

“You should get some rest soon,” she tells her, and Ava clutches at her a little tighter, like she doesn’t ever want to let go.

“Could you… could you stay? For the night?”

“Of course.” Sara presses one last kiss to Ava’s lips before she stands, reaching out a hand and tugging Ava up with her.

She leads the other woman to her bed and curls up beside her, a protective arm around Ava’s waist keeping her back pressed against Sara’s front.

It doesn’t take long for Ava’s breathing to turn slow and even as she falls into a deep sleep, and Sara lays there for a while, drawing comfort from Ava’s presence, from being able to hold her close, and in that moment, in the muted darkness of Ava’s bedroom in the year 2018, Sara feels for the first time in a long time like everything’s going to turn out okay.


End file.
